The following is an excerpt from our book Just Be Honest, Authentic Communication Strategies That Get Results and Last a Lifetime.

What do people want and value most?

Who are your customers and what do they want? Your customers are bosses/supervisors, co-workers, employees, your spouse, children, relatives and even your parents. The key to keeping your customers satisfied is to know what they want and value the most so you can decide whether or not you can provide this for them.

When you are working on a project, confirm the criteria for success. Determine what is most important to the parties involved. Be sure that your definition of success is consistent with everyone else’s definition of success. People tend to work on what they think is important, not what others think is important.

Ginny, a friend of mine, lost her job because she was doing things her way and accomplishing goals that had value to her, instead of asking her boss what he wanted her to do and then doing that. At first she blamed her boss and said, “Well, he should have told me what he wanted.” Perhaps she had a good point. But, the true value of this experience came when Ginny realized she could have asked him. Since she is the only one that she can control, it is better to look at what she could do differently in the future. Ginny could have asked her boss what his expectations were and made sure she met them. Along the way, she could have requested a meeting, asking for feedback rather than waiting for it.

It is impossible to change other people but you can change yourself. By taking responsibility for your own path to success, you take control of your destiny as well.
If They Are Vague

People are often vague when asked what is most important to them. They may say things like, “to do a good job,” “to work hard,” or “to be sensitive to what the customer wants.” These phrases lack specifics and are too subject to interpretation. It is critical to clarify exactly what they mean. Ask probing questions to establish exactly what is expected.

Here is a list of specific questions that you can ask:
• “What are the top three priorities that define the success of this project?”
• “What specifically is the most important to you?”
• “When you reflect on this project, what will need to be in place for you to feel that it was a complete success?”
• “Paint a picture of how success on this project looks for you.”

If someone still has trouble being specific, make some suggestions to help them gain clarity and understanding. If they really do not know what they want, start by asking them what they don’t want.

If the person continues to be vague, be patient and ask them if they could be more specific. Explain that this will help you to better serve their wants and needs. Many times people do not realize that they are being vague, and sometimes we are afraid to confront them and admit that we are not sure.

I remember Scott, a computer systems engineer, who shared that he was concerned about confirming with the client exactly they wanted. Scott said that he was concerned that the client wasn’t uncertain themselves and might get upset if he pressed the issue. I told Scott that he really had no choice. His only other option was to waste valuable time and resources guessing! I assured him that the client would not be nearly as upset by his efforts to seek clarity, as they would be by an incorrect guess regarding their wants and needs.

By finding out what is truly important to the other party, everyone benefits.

If you would like 6 additional techniques on what to do when someone is vague or unsure, please refer to Chapter 16 of Honesty Works book for details. http://www.stevengaffney.com/success-store/honestyworks.php

Copyright, 2012, Steven Gaffney Company. All Rights Reserved. To reprint this article in any format please contact the Steven Gaffney Company at 703-241-7796 or email info@stevengaffney.com.

Are you ready for a powerful 2012?

2011 may have been rocky for you, but I am sure that in retrospect your most difficult and challenging experiences were some of your most valuable ones. In fact, most people say that hard times generally produce much growth because responding to such times demands ingenuity. We all know that even when we are not responsible for our challenging circumstances, we are 100 percent responsible for our response to the challenges.

Let’s do a quick assessment of your life to see where you are at because awareness is the first step to resolving any issues and make some changes for the better. Reflect for a moment on the following questions:
-Are you where you thought you would be professionally and personally?
-Did you expect things to happen last year that didn’t?
-Have you put off changes that you need to make?
-Are there people who are zapping your energy and robbing you of what you could achieve?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are not alone. Here are 7 crucial actions that can help ensure that 2012 will be a better year for you. These actions can put your life on a different path. The initial change is minimal and can be difficult emotionally and mentally, but down the line the difference can be enormous and it is worth the investment.

1. DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM NEGATIVE INFLUENCES. Just like we are what we eat, we are a product of the people we spend time with and the information we take in. Who are you surrounding yourself with? What are you reading? How much are you dwelling on negative news stories? There is a difference between awareness of and obsession with negative things. I am not suggesting that we put our heads in the sand. I am suggesting that we fill our minds with the influences that empower us. Take the time to clean house now!

2. LET GO OF THE MIND CLUTTER. Reach out to someone you have written off (but still think about), or to someone you have given up on or have had some problem with. Talk to that person and do what it takes to reach some sort of resolution and put the situation behind you. Ask the other person, “What would it take for us to put this behind us?” Or ask, “What specific suggestions do you have so we can resolve this?” Their input can help you create a solution that works for everyone. By reaching out and having a conversation, you are extending the olive branch. This can create a new beginning and trigger conversations and events that can ultimately change your life. Remember: forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Make 2012 the year you give that gift. (To read more on forgiveness, see chapter 25 in Honesty Works on the 7-step procedure to forgive and let go of anything.)

3. LIVE 2012 WITH A LONG TERM PERSPECTIVE. Be clear on what is true and meaningful to you, and don’t negotiate. This might sound simple, but many people negotiate things that shouldn’t be negotiable. Be honest with yourself about what is important to you. Is it your relationships, your job, your health, or your quality of life? Some of you may say the timing isn’t right yet. Is that just an excuse so that you avoid making some changes? Time is the one commodity we can never replenish. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. Be clear, and don’t settle.

4. FIND OUT WHAT THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE WANT AND THEN DO YOUR BEST TO DELIVER WHAT THEY WANT. This could be your employer, your spouse, your parents, your friends, customers, etc…you get the idea… You can use this question as a starter: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our relationship?” (Or “this project,” or “my effectiveness in this job, or the quality of service we provide you”) Listen to their answer, and then ask, “What would it take to make it a 10?” For extra credit, ask, “What would it take to make it a 15 — above and beyond expectations?” Be ready for an interesting and — hopefully — helpful response. The next step (and this is important) is to manage their expectations. I have found that people, groups, and organizations don’t often get the credit they deserve because they don’t adequately manage other people’s expectations of what can and cannot be accomplished. When we do keep our word and give people what they want, it can bring great joy and exhilaration…and ultimately everyone wins.

5. COMMIT TO CHANGING AT LEAST ONE BEHAVIOR AND BEING ACOUNTABLE IN A PUBLIC WAY. What behavior of yours do you really want to change? What if I were going to give you a billion dollars to change it? What if your life depended on making this change? What if someone else’s life depended on it? The truth is that if you really want to achieve this change, you will. Make it happen. For example, if you find yourself repeatedly complaining about a particular issue and you want to stop being so negative, tell five people you are going to stop complaining about the issue. Every time you complain about it, give them five dollars. Or if you really want to commit to being home by a certain time, tell your significant other that if you don’t make it on time, you will grant any wish or pay for a nice dinner. The point here is to send a message that your promises are not empty and you are committed to changing the behavior. Being accountable is one of the most important ingredients in lasting change.

6. CLEAN AND CLEAR YOUR PHYSICAL SURROUNDINGS. This is probably a very important step but many of us seem to procrastinate and make this the last thing on their priority list of to do’s. Did you know that not only living and working in disorganized spaces and surroundings increase stress, but also make you less productive? In addition, the messy visual that you have to look at constantly drains your energy and wastes a lot of time because things would not be easy to find as it would in a more organized space. So throw away or donate what you do not need. The others, make sure to give them homes and label them. You never know how much money or valuable ideas are sitting underneath the messiness.

7. DECIDE ON YOUR NUMBER-ONE GOAL AND CREATE A PLAN TO ACHIEVE IT.
Make sure your goal is measurable and that there is a deadline for completion. You might think this is simple — and it is — but people often neglect to set clear goals or neglect to prioritize their many goals. I see this frequently with organizational goals. People don’t know which ones to focus on, and they subsequently don’t achieve what they could achieve if they understood which goals were the most important.

Don’t wait! Seize the moment and go out there, take action to make things happen. You deserve it! Make 2012 is your best year ever.

Let me know if you need any additional help, and please feel free to share this article with others as a gift to help make their 2012 all it should be.

Best Wishes,
Steven Gaffney

Copyright, 2012, Steven Gaffney Company. All Rights Reserved. To reprint this article in any format please contact the Steven Gaffney Company at 703-241-7796 or info@stevengaffney.com.