Three steps to stop telling the worst lies.

National Honesty Day is almost here, and since the holiday is all about being honest with yourself, it is only fitting that today’s honest communication is on just that. You may think you are pretty good at not lying to others, but what about lying to yourself?

How often have you said to yourself that you were going to start a new, healthy habit and then didn’t do it? Has your inability to follow through reached the point that when you decide to do something, a little voice in your head chides, “Are you kidding? You’ve never stuck to it before and you won’t be able to this time either!” When this happens, you have told the worst lies you can tell: the lies you tell yourself. Now you no longer believe yourself.

Lies to ourselves undermine our own confidence to address issues, accomplish goals, and bring about necessary changes in our lives. They also undermine others’ confidence in us, because they have witnessed the false proclamations and undelivered promises.
It does not have to be this way. You can stop telling the worst lies of all by following these three simple steps.

1. Be honest and declare that you will change.
The ability to change always starts within ourselves. Let the people around you know that you are aware of your past undelivered promises. Others are often hesitant to bring up the subject because it could be embarrassing or humiliating. You bring it up. You mention it. Let them know that from this point forward, you will not say things you do not really mean.

2. Give the people around you permission to challenge you if they see you going back to your old ways.
This is especially important when the same people have paid the price for your bad habits and undelivered promises over and over again.

3. Decide on some consequences in advance if things do not change.
Let people know how serious you are about change by self-imposing consequences if things continue as they have in the past. You can even ask others to participate in the consequence. For example, if you have a track record of turning in late reports or being tardy to meetings, promise your co-worker that you will pay five dollars for every five minutes you are late. A word of caution here: only commit to a consequence you are willing to submit to. Otherwise you will compound the original problem of broken promises. This is not about the consequence. It is about ending the lies we tell and restoring our confidence in ourselves and the confidence of others in us.

The point is to believe what we say. The result will be soaring confidence, which will lead to accomplishing more than we ever thought possible. And at that point when you make a promise, the little voice inside your head will say, “Consider it done!”

I hope this week’s tips have helped you look at honesty a little differently and will enhance your level of honesty just in time for National Honesty Day tomorrow!

Did this tip help you? We welcome your feedback at info@stevengaffney.com or 703-241-7796.

This article is the property of the Steven Gaffney Company. Please e-mail info@stevengaffney.com or call 703-241-7796 for permission to reprint this article in any format. Copyright 2011, www.stevengaffney.com.

Do not hide behind your keyboard to avoid uncomfortable or difficult conversations.

In the spirit of National Honesty Day, let’s be honest. We have all decided to send an email to deal with an uncomfortable or upsetting issue instead of having a direct conversation. Do emails really help resolve issues or confusion more quickly and effectively?

Research shows that 90% of a message’s meaning is conveyed by tone, body language, context and source; not just words. Therefore with email, tensions rise and problems escalate when people hide behind their keyboards to avoid the discomfort of talking directly about issues. This leads to distorted one-way conversations that lack the tone, context and body language that clarify messages in two-way dialogue. Thus, email wars erupt, clutter mailboxes, eat up time and thwart collaboration, morale and productivity.

Email can be a terrific, quick and efficient form of communication, or it can be horrific. It all depends on how it is used. Below are a few tips for how to effectively use email:

1. Use email for its four main purposes: to communicate information, to receive information, as a form of documentation, and for friendly correspondence.
For example, use email to keep everyone informed of a project’s status, to verify what was discussed in a face-to-face or phone conversation, to ask a quick question, to say hello, and to compliment.

2. Do not use email to resolve emotional upsets.
In other words, if you are upset with someone or someone is upset with you, do not use email. Call the person or go talk to the person face to face. Given the inherent difficulties with communication via email, it is not a good way to communicate emotions or resolve difficulties.

3. State the purpose of your email immediately.
By stating the purpose in the subject heading or in the first sentence of your text, you minimize the possibility that the recipient will misinterpret your message or delete it before it is read.

4. Write email as you would a newspaper article.
The first paragraph should contain the most pertinent information, with details following in subsequent paragraphs. People are busy and need the highlights. They may never finish the email and may miss important information if it is buried in the body of the text. If appropriate, have a quick summary sentence at the end.

5. If an email volleys more than twice, pick up the phone.
If you email back and forth with someone more than two times about the same issue, it is time to pick up the phone and get clarification. When emails volley back and forth about the same issue, it is often a sign that something else is going on (someone is really upset, doesn’t understand, is being resistant, and so on).

6. If you don’t want an email published in a newspaper, don’t send it.
You never know what will happen with your email or to whom it will be forwarded once you press send.

This National Honesty Day, choose to use email for the right purposes. If you are upset, confused or have a serious issue to resolve, pick up the phone or walk down the hall and have an honest two-way conversation. Do not use each stroke of the keyboard to brush issues under the rug. Remember, email can be either a terrific or horrific tool. It all depends on how it is used. Be careful!

Keep an eye out for tomorrow’s honest communication tip in honor of National Honesty Day (April 30)!

Did this tip help you? We welcome your feedback at info@stevengaffney.com or 703-241-7796.

This article is the property of the Steven Gaffney Company. Please e-mail info@stevengaffney.com or call 703-241-7796 for permission to reprint this article in any format. Copyright 2011, www.stevengaffney.com.

Bad news about us is better coming from our own mouths than from someone else’s.

As National Honesty Day approaches and you consider your own level of honesty, you might find yourself in the “Truth vs. Lies” trap. This trap leads many to believe that if they simply refrain from lying, they are honest. That’s a great start, but as I’ve said before, honesty goes beyond not telling lies. It also requires us to share ALL details (the good and the bad) and to tackle difficult conversations head-on. These aspects of honesty are particularly challenging when it comes to delivering bad news about ourselves.

Sharing bad news is part of everyday life. The key is to proactively share such information before the other party discovers it themself. In the end, people usually find out the truth. Therefore, honest communication is critical to establishing credibility and trust with our customers, potential clients, co-workers and staff, as well as our family and friends. You can tell how open and trustworthy a relationship is by how willing someone is to share things that are difficult but important to hear.

When it’s time to share bad news and difficult information, keep in mind these four techniques for effectively delivering the message:

1. Bad news about us is better coming from our own mouths than from someone else’s.
If someone else discovers our bad news before we divulge it, it undermines their trust in us, and they may begin to wonder what else we are hiding.

2. Take 100 percent responsibility for your actions.
Remember, no one makes us do anything. We choose our actions for a variety of reasons. Great leaders and coaches take responsibility for their team’s actions as well as their own. Taking responsibility helps others receive any news favorably. Consider Ronald Reagan. He began slipping in the polls during the Iran-Contra affair until he took full responsibility. After taking responsibility, his popularity rose again.

3. Get ahead of the curve on bad information.
If the future looks bleak or more bad information is possible, find out as much as you can and share it as quickly as possible before someone else discovers it. Years ago, tainted Tylenol killed people, yet the company survived the crisis in part because company officials quickly and openly shared what they knew with the public.

4. Take immediate and widespread action to correct the situation.
People feel more secure when they hear and witness someone doing something about the situation. Unfortunately, organizations and individuals often take a reactive wait-and-see approach – only to have the situation worsen. How we respond to mistakes defines us. Consider the Tylenol example again. The company immediately pulled all the potentially deadly products off store shelves. They did not wait to be forced to take action; they proactively told the public what their company was doing to correct the situation and prevent further accidents.

No one likes to share bad information, but doing so honestly is imperative to maintaining the bond of trust. Trust is the foundation of all relationships, and honest communication is the key to developing and building the relationships we desire.

Keep an eye out for tomorrow’s honest communication tip in honor of National Honesty Day (April 30)!

Did this tip help you? We welcome your feedback at info@stevengaffney.com or 703-241-7796.

This article is the property of the Steven Gaffney Company. Please e-mail info@stevengaffney.com or call 703-241-7796 for permission to reprint this article in any format. Copyright 2011, www.stevengaffney.com.

National Honesty Day is a great reminder to tell the truth, but it also forces us to confront the ugly truth about how honest others are being with us.

National Honesty Day arrives April 30, bringing with it a healthy reminder to examine your current level of honesty. The holiday was created so the month would end with focus on honesty after beginning by encouraging lies and deceit (April Fools’ Day). The holiday challenges people to evaluate just how honest they are. Be aware, though … you may be surprised by your findings.

A survey of 1,000 adults reported in James Patterson and Peter Kim’s book “The Day America Told the Truth” found that 91 percent lie routinely. I like to joke that perhaps the other 9 percent lied when surveyed. This percentage may be surprising to some, but consider your definition of “lying.”

Lying is not just about making false statements. It also encompasses everything that is conveniently left out, avoided or withheld. In my nearly 20 years experience advising top government leaders and Fortune 500 executives on increasing the bottom line through open, honest communication, I have seen the mounting costs of such withholding.

Open, honest communication is often the antidote to the hidden costly problems that inhibit organizations’ teamwork, collaboration, innovation and growth. This National Honesty Day, try it out. Discover the opportunities honest communication brings in both your professional and personal life.

Why limit honesty to just one day, though? If you are feeling really brave, try honesty out for the whole week. In honor of National Honesty Day, I will reveal one honest communication tip each day to help everyone get the “unsaid” said. Implementing the tactics I provide will improve the results of your honesty evaluation on April 30. The honest communication tips will be posted to my Facebook page and this Communication Blog. Please feel free to comment and let me know what results you see by using the tips!

Honest Communication Tip for April 26:
Abide by the Law of Reflection

The Law of Reflection states that what we give out is what we tend to get back. You may also know this law as the Golden Rule, or by the phrases “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” or “What goes around comes around.”

We have all heard these phrases in various forms and often recite them ourselves, but what strikes me is how easy it is to forget the powerful role this philosophy plays in honest communication.

Just think about it. How often have you experienced someone who does not listen to you or is not fully honest with you? In the spirit of National Honesty Day, be truly honest with yourself. Have there been times when you did not listen to that person or when you failed to openly share with them? As leaders, parents, colleagues and friends, we must model the behavior we seek.

When people blame us, we tend to blame them; when people accuse us, we tend to accuse them right back; when people withhold information from us, we tend to keep information from them. It also tends to hold true in the positive direction. When people take responsibility for their actions, we tend to take responsibility for ours; when people apologize, we tend to apologize back; when people focus on the solution; we tend to do the same.

Abiding by the Law of Reflection motivates you to be honest with others and compels others to be more honest with you. Be honest in acknowledging your mistakes, communicating your concerns and expressing your appreciation. Doing so will encourage others to do the same. Take that a step further and really listen to people if you want people to listen to you. Listen, no matter who are speaking with.

As National Honesty Day quickly approaches, abiding by the Law of Reflection is one way to increase your level of honesty.

This article is the property of the Steven Gaffney Company. Please e-mail info@stevengaffney.com or call 703-241-7796 for permission to reprint this article in any format. Copyright 2011, www.stevengaffney.com.

Fear is a normal and appropriate response to many of the challenges we face in life. The problem comes when fear becomes a reason for not accomplishing something. The reality is that we often do things in spite of fear – we ride scary amusement park rides, meet future in-laws, go on job interviews, or go sky-diving. Fear is not the real reason we do not do something; it’s just an excuse we allow ourselves to use in order to get off the hook.

For instance, fear of public speaking is one of the top fears people have. Yet few of us never speak in public! We may dislike speaking in front of large audiences, but we can learn to control the fear. Johnny Carson, Carly Simon, Carol Burnett and Barbra Streisand all had fears of performing in public – yet, they became very successful. They learned techniques to handle and overcome their fears.

The truth is that fear does not stop us from doing anything; we stop ourselves.

Here are five tips to help you gain control and overcome your fear.

1. Channel your fear into useful energy and actions.
Instead of bottling up that nervous energy, channel it into actions, such as preparation or planning. Walter Cronkite said, “It is natural to have butterflies. The secret is to have them fly in formation.” For example, if you are nervous about a job interview, write down interview questions and answers you are worried about, then practice them out loud. You might even take a practice ride to the interview site or prepare your interview outfit the day before. Do not bottle up your fear – use it.

2. Share fears out loud, then repeat positive affirmations to yourself.
This may feel odd at first, but try it. Say out loud all your concerns and fears about a situation. For example, say out loud, “I am concerned I am going to make a mistake” or, “I am worried they are going to get upset.” You will know when you are done because you will begin to feel a sense of relief. Once you get the concerns and fears out, start verbalizing the positive affirmations. For example, “I am smart enough to correct a mistake” or, “They are going to love the presentation.” Remember, it is impossible to think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. So, share all of your worries and concerns, then share the positive affirmations and watch the magic!

3. Practice visualization.
Visualization is a powerful tool. Do you ever catch yourself daydreaming? Daydreaming is visualization, and you can apply the same concept to facing fear. In a quiet place with your eyes closed, visualize yourself successfully handling the situation you are afraid of at least ten times. If you cannot visualize yourself successfully facing a fearful situation, imagine you are in a movie theater watching someone who looks like you, acts like you, and talks like you handling the situation successfully. Do this at least ten times. After you complete this visualization, put yourself back into the picture and run through the successful scene another ten times. Your outlook on the situation will change.

4. Be clear about how you want the event to begin and how you want it to end.
We tend to be the most nervous at the beginning and the end. If you are clear about these two parts, then you can always fall back on autopilot if you get really nervous. For example, if it is a presentation you are nervous about, write down the beginning and end and practice these two parts the most. This helps organize your thoughts so you are certain to capture all the points you want to make and it helps you get back on track if the situation gets derailed. The point here is to pay particular attention to the areas that make you the most nervous, which is usually the beginning and the end.

5. Play through the worst-case scenario and then the best-case scenario.
Most people think that going through a worst-case scenario will make them more stressed and afraid. Actually, the solution is to play out the worst-case scenario all the way to the end by continually asking yourself, “And then what would happen?” Unfortunately, many of us stop mentally working through this worst-case scenario as soon as we come up against our fear. Instead, play out the scenario completely, as if you are watching a movie. You would watch the movie until the end to see what happened. That’s what you must do when you envision your worst-case scenario. Most of the time you will simply discover you are right back where you started. This exercise can also help you uncover and learn from potential mistakes. Suppose you are afraid to ask for a raise. If you ask despite your fear, the answer may be no. But you may receive helpful feedback in the process, so at the very least, you now know where you stand so you can make decisions about your future. Parts of your worst-case scenario may come true, but chances are you will have learned something from the experience.

Next, play out the best-case scenario and notice how you feel. There is a lot more room for positive thought when we clear out the negative doom and gloom. If you are like most people who have gone through this exercise, you will find yourself more willing to tackle the fear, all because you have a clearer picture of the possible outcomes. Now you can prepare for them!

Michael Pritchard said, “Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed.” Don’t stop yourself from doing and saying things you want and need to do. Fear is like an alarm. You decide how you want to respond to it. You can take action whether or not you are afraid. Fear cannot stop you – only you can stop you.

This article is the property of the Steven Gaffney Company. Please e-mail info@stevengaffney.com or call 703-241-7796 for permission to reprint this article in any format. Copyright 2011, www.stevengaffney.com.

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How To Effectively Give Presentations Every Time Through Honesty

Fingernails on a black board. Visits to the dentist. Filing taxes. These activities could not be preferred to anything – except, possibly, speaking in public. Most people really hate public speaking – and often devise complex strategies to avoid it.

Unfortunately, despite the expansion of communication media, public speaking remains one of the most powerful methods of persuading, informing, and conveying messages. A deficiency in this area means the loss of important opportunities for association executives and the organizations they lead.

Fortunately, contrary to popular opinion, effective public-speaking ability is not something with which we are born, but a learned trait. If you know your career purpose, focus on the goal of your presentation, and connect with the audience, you can dramatically improve your chances of delivering a successful presentation.

CAREER PURPOSE
Helen Keller said, “Worse than being blind is to see and have no vision.” Establishing a vision is the key to understanding your career purpose. A vision is a broadly defined statement that embodies the major things you hope to achieve or for which you would like to be known in your lifetime. An important principle to remember about a vision is that it is meant to inspire you rather than impress others.

An effective tool for arriving at your vision is to ask yourself, “When I am 90 years old and I look back, what do I want to say about my life?”

For example, a friend of mine, who is a well-known political strategist and public speaker, has a vision of an environmentally sustainable civilization within two generations. He knows that by regularly doing a good job he can increase his ability to influence decisions relevant to his vision. This overall perspective gives him the energy, excitement, and confidence to be a powerful speaker.

GOAL OF THE PRESENTATION
It may seem basic, but you must focus on the goal of your presentation. What is your message? What is your point? Is it to motivate, educate, entertain, persuade, or some combination? Answering these questions will define the parameters of the discussion and help construct a speech that will yield the desired outcome.

Regardless of the topic, one must never forget that the underlying imperative is to communicate with the audience. How many times have we heard someone speak or give a presentation, where we say to ourselves, “What is the point?” When speakers lose sight of their goal, their initial energy wanes, and the speech becomes boring.

CONNECTING WITH THE AUDIENCE
Many speakers have their overall vision and particular goal, but forget to answer the question, “Why should my audience listen to me?” or “What is in it for the audience?”

An audience will listen to a speaker for many reasons – from propriety to necessity – but only for so long. The best speakers always consider the audience’s concerns, needs, and desires. When successful, the speaker can sense the audience saying to themselves “Me too,” rather than “So what?”

TIPS BEFORE THE PRESENTATION
Know your audience. Find out as much as you can about the audience you are addressing. It will help reduce the fear of the unknown and improve the quality of your speech.

Recommended questions:
• Who has spoken to the audience before? What did they like and dislike?
• What does your audience expect from the presentation?
• How will you know if you have achieved those expectations?
• What would make this presentation really special?
• Are there any sensitive issues of which you should be aware?
• What are the logistics-number in the audience? Range and average age of audience? Gender proportion? Ethnic and educational background?

Visualize yourself giving a successful presentation. Visualization helps to reduce stress. Some speakers have been known to affix pictures of themselves to a photo of a large crowd. Regardless of the method you use, be sure to focus on how you want the audience to look and feel after you complete the presentation.

Create lists. Lists can be a useful way of eradicating negative thoughts and energy that limit effectiveness and reduce confidence. Remember, you cannot build on top of a garbage dump.

Recommended lists:
• The worst things that could happen to you. This will identify the issues you fear and the issues you need to address. In many cases, writing down your fears will reveal their silliness. For example, in my fourth-grade play, during my big monologue, I started to laugh and could not stop. The teacher had to come on stage and finish my part. Because of this, I became afraid that I would laugh in the middle of a presentation. This prevented me from speaking for a long time until I realized how stupid this fear really was.
• Your accomplishments in the previous year. This will strengthen your confidence and help you realize you really are the perfect person for the job.
• Things you have not done and promised yourself or other people you would do. After you complete the list, either cross off the task and admit you will never do it or identify a date by when you will complete it. Although this may seem to have nothing to do with speaking, it is amazing how confidently you can deliver a presentation when your life is in order.

Prepare your presentation early. Finish it at least two days prior to the deadline. This will reduce anxiety and allow ample time for fine-tuning.

Know your introduction. To ensure a good start to your presentation, script out and be most familiar with the beginning. This will enable you to relax when you are the most nervous.

Overcome hard-to-pronounce words and phrases. Try reading the difficult lines holding your tongue with your fingers. Then release your tongue and say the line again. The improvement will be immediate and dramatic.

Resist the temptation to over practice. Excessive repetition can actually increase tension and often will make a presentation seem canned.

STEPS DURING THE PRESENTATION
Use handouts and visual aids wisely. They should enhance-not distract from-the presentation. Before you begin speaking, distribute materials that support major points. The material should have just enough information for the audience to follow along, but not enough detail for the audience to read and become distracted from the presentation. Hand out all other materials afterward, especially supporting information, reports and articles.

Be yourself. The reason is simple: People are best at being themselves. Imagine Matt Lauer of the Today Show trying to be like Jerry Seinfeld, or Oprah Winfrey trying to be like Larry King. They all communicate differently, yet they are all effective.

Use your nervous energy. Nervousness is not altogether undesirable. Someone once said, “I don’t mind having butterflies, I just want them to fly in formation.” Experienced speakers channel their nervousness into an energetic and animated speech.

Make eye contact, smile, and be physically close to the audience. If you like and it is possible, speak in front of the podium.

Establish rapport quickly. Employ an antidote, personal experience, or some revealing information that pertains to the audience. This also helps to sincerely acknowledge the audience for having you there and listening. Make sure the personal experiences you share are the truth. Lack of integrity is one of the fastest ways to lose an audience.

Reinforce messages and illustrate major points. Use stories and examples. The more specific and visual your speech, the better, because people think in images, not concepts.

Encourage audience participation. Use exercises, questions and/or demonstrations. Even if you are speaking for only a short time, at lease use rhetorical questions to encourage the audience to participate mentally.

Answer tough questions with questions. If someone asks you a question to which you do not know the answer, reply with a question. This will give you the time and information you need to answer.

Recommended questions:
“Can you give me some more information on what you mean by your question?”
“Can you give me a specific example of what you are talking about?

Finish at the agreed-upon time. Regardless of when you started, conclude on schedule. This will prevent people who must leave from appearing rude as they depart.
Make sure your conclusion is powerful. Ending on a weak note is like having a glass of sour milk after a great dinner.

STEPS AFTER THE PRESENTATION
Get feedback. One of the best ways to improve and grow as a speaker is via feedback. The easiest way is to provide evaluations and to hang around after you speak. Although it may be difficult to hear, the more brutal the feedback, the more you will grow as a speaker.

Mistakes will happen. Remember that only the speaker knows the script, so most of the “errors” will go unnoticed. Something will go wrong; it always does. Do not fret about it. Just be ready to deal with whatever adversity arises, no matter how big or small. Often, unplanned moments can provide an opportunity to make a speaking engagement memorable.

No matter how much you plan and no matter how great you are, after you finish, you realize ways to improve the presentation.

There is no substitute for experience. The best way to become a strong speaker is to speak. There is never a perfect time to start. As W. Clement Stone said, “Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will.”

THE BIG PICTURE
And finally, the most important tip of all: Have fun. After all, what is it going to matter in a hundred years? And remember, speakers who truly enjoy what they are talking about and relish the opportunity to share their knowledge with others can contribute greatly to their audience’s quality of life.

Steven Gaffney is a leading expert on honest, interpersonal communication, influence and leadership, and is one of the recognized authorities on the subject of honesty. He is the author of two ground-breaking books, Just Be Honest: Authentic Communication Strategies that Get Results and Last a Lifetime and Honest Works! Real-World Solutions to Common Problems at Work and Home. He is also the co-author of the book Honesty Sells: How to Make More Money and Increase Business Profits.

This article is the property of the Steven Gaffney Company. Please e-mail info@stevengaffney.com or call 703-241-7796 for permission to reprint this article in any format. Copyright 2010, www.stevengaffney.com.

How to Cure Them and Boost Performance, Productivity and Profitability

While working with thousands of private- and public-sector executives and managers over the past 15 years on how to increase cooperation, innovation and productivity in their workplace, I uncovered problems plaguing their organizations that stem from an undiagnosed condition … common to all … that undermines collaboration, performance, progress and profitability.

So, what’s this condition and why does it happen? I call it failure to get the “unsaid” said. And, like a chronic disease, its symptoms become so familiar we stop noticing the toll they take on organizations’ ability to innovate, compete, prosper and grow.

There is a cure, however, for companies and governmental agencies seeking to improve their health. I’ve been it work over and over when managers probe beneath the skin to identify the problems, and commit to a prescription that will get them on the road to recovery.

If you’re beginning to think some of this might be applicable to your company, you may be interested in a few insights and strategies I’ve found effective in immunizing organizations across industry sectors. First, we’ll look at the 11 most costly problems and the degree to which they hamper performance and profitability in your institution. Then we’ll see how you can stamp out their infection.

Rate the 11 Most Costly Hidden Problems in Your Workplace
As you read the 11 problems below, grade each on a scale of 1-10, based on the turmoil it causes your company’s teamwork, growth and profitability. Then ask your managers to do the same to help you discover the principal problems afflicting your company.

“Erosion Glitch”
Poorly-executed programs, incomplete projects, missed deadlines and cost overruns are a few of the symptoms that eat into the bottom line when employees don’t share critical information in a timely fashion or when customer expectations aren’t managed effectively – either because contract terms and language may be unclear or because people don’t communicate realistically about what can and can’t be achieved (often resulting in ‘scope creep’). Schedules slip, time is lost and credibility and reputation suffer. The condition only gets worse when employees don’t speak up for fear of worrying their boss or client. This hurts the bottom line, especially when contracts are not renewed and or referral opportunities are lost.

“Email Shutout”
Research shows that 90% of a message’s meaning is conveyed by tone, body language, context and source, not just words. Therefore with email, tensions rise and problems escalate when people hide behind the keyboard to avoid the discomfort of talking directly about issues or because they think they can save time. This leads to distorted one-way conversations that lack the tone, context and body language that clarify messages in two-way dialogue. Thus, email wars erupt, clutter mailboxes, eat up time and thwart collaboration, morale and productivity.

“Double Trouble”
Lack of collaboration between business and functional areas can lead to duplicate and even conflicting endeavors. Senseless repetition, lost time, internal competition and conversations that go nowhere take their toll in this unproductive scenario when different departments and people don’t communicate and collaborate on strategies, tasks, projects and activities. The problems worsen when employees work in remote locations or have generational or cultural differences. Although people may be aware of these issues, they often lack the skill and empowerment to have the difficult conversations required to get them resolved. This leads to spiraling inefficiencies and wasted resources which obstruct the organization’s progress and productivity.

“Flickering Light Bulb”
Trouble festers and clients and customers turn elsewhere when they don’t get the creativity and innovative solutions they’ve asked for and expect.

This happens when employees down the line, working directly with the client, don’t communicate openly and share their ideas or the opportunities they see with the boss or client because they’re afraid they’ll be ridiculed, that someone will steal their idea and take credit, or because they’re simply ill-equipped to communicate their ideas effectively. In turn, they present half-baked ideas (if they share them at all), which management doesn’t pursue on behalf of the client, resulting in poor service delivery and lost opportunity.

“Not Another Meeting”
Been privy to back-to-back meetings, some of which lead nowhere, have no focus, lack candor, distract staff from getting other work done, and cost in time and salaries? This occurs when objectives are unclear, real facts are skirted, and follow-up meetings – or worse, hallway meetings – are called to resolve the issues. Thus, other problems arise due to bad decisions made by ill-informed staff and lack of buy-in from those not attending. This costs the company in productivity and progress.

“Assumption Presumption”
The key to good customer service is to know your customer, yet this commonplace syndrome comes from businesses and customers “assuming” they know everything about each others’ needs and capabilities when they don’t. For example, business development and salespeople often tell clients and prospects what they need, based on general trends or customer history, rather than getting to know the client’s current capabilities, strengths and challenges. On the flip side, clients may not ask counsel about certain services and programs they’re interested in because they think they know everything the company has to offer. Dissatisfied customers, missed opportunities, lost sales and unrealized profits are just a few costly by-products.

“Muddled Metamorphosis”
Mergers and other global initiatives should be a time for innovation and growth, but often the opposite happens. Disruption and lack of communication about these types of organizational changes, as well as realignments and layoffs, lead to rumors, conjecture, fear and an ill-informed workforce. When this happens, managers speculate and make bad decisions, workers resist change and hoard information, and both may spend time making personal contingency plans rather than focusing on organizational needs. Instead of speedy and productive cultural integration, slowed growth, internal competition and diminished creativity often come with these changes; all are counterintuitive to long-term goals.

“Deep Divide”
Sound familiar? Here’s a condition that runs rampant in many companies when the business and functional areas, such as HR, procurement, finance and/or marketing are adversaries, not partners. For example, a functional office may think it should police or control certain business practices so it focuses on what can’t be done rather than supporting the other departments’ activities.

In turn, the business area may see the functional department as an obstruction and try to circumvent it rather than working together. No matter who’s at fault, wasted time and resources, and missed opportunities and impediments to productivity negatively impact the bottom line.

“Slippery Slope of Success”
Sometimes success inhibits progress and makes people resistant to change because they think they have all the answers. The problem is if we are not progressing, we are regressing. “We know what it takes to get the job done,” they say when someone makes a suggestion, or “We tried that and it didn’t work.” Perhaps the latter is true, but something that didn’t work before might work now. This complacency keeps people from the innovation and continuous change necessary to maintain their competitive advantage in the marketplace. The savviest organizations understand that it is better to keep changing and improving before the competition makes you change. Think back to the 1980s Fortune 500 list; how many companies featured then are on the list today? Less than half.

“Next in Line”
It is important to avoid over dependency on any one individual. When businesses put employee development and training on the backburner, they become overly reliant on a few executives who could leave at any time, or they avoid difficult conversations with those persons for fear they’ll leave. The question becomes how can a business develop tomorrow’s leaders if it doesn’t teach its managers to communicate effectively, give and receive difficult feedback, manage change and inspire excellence? What happens is some talented people can’t move up due to their poor communication skills, so they get disgruntled and leave, and the organization loses. Others, less talented, get promoted anyway, resulting in mismanaged resources, program execution problems and lost business. Lack of leadership development systems and accountability negatively affect growth and profits.

“Brain Drain”
The number one reason people leave an organization is because of communication issues. Failure to retain top talent and high turnover occurs when good employees are afraid to communicate honestly about their issues and needs, or try, get frustrated and give up. The result is the real issues remain undiscovered rather than getting resolved. Furthermore, when employees leave, they also take their business knowledge, history, perspective and wisdom with them and significant money must be invested to find, hire, and train new employees. In fact, research shows that it can cost 25 percent to 200 percent of an employee’s salary to find and train a suitable replacement.

Bring on the Truth
Now that you’ve identified the most costly problems in your organization and the harm they can bring, let’s look at their causes and some tools that can treat your company’s health and increase teamwork, growth and profitability.

Working in the trenches with executives from Fortune 500 companies and government agencies, I’ve found the cause of their problems comes from one major disease: the lack of open, honest communication. I don’t mean truth versus lies or what people say. I’m talking about what they DON’T say. When this is clear, the antidote is obvious. We have to get the “unsaid” “said.”

Think back to some of the problems I described, and what’s NOT being said. Clients don’t express their real needs. Salespeople don’t ask the right questions. Valuable employees don’t bring up difficulties they’re encountering. People in successful companies resist new ideas and ways of doing things. Perhaps in your organization, the disease comes from people complaining, but not talking honestly about the real issues at hand. All of these situations cripple organizations and prevent them from flourishing.

Regardless of the symptoms, the prescription is the same. Organizations need to incorporate strategies and programs to promote open, honest communication and get the unsaid said.

Let’s face it, most people withhold information in some form or another; not necessarily because they’re malicious or unethical, but because they’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, of retribution, of ruining a relationship, of a negative impact on their career or that their feedback is a waste of time since it won’t make a difference. To make matters worse, people get defensive or upset when someone gives them bad news, sending a message, “Don’t tell the truth because I can’t handle it.” Inadvertently, this behavior discourages honesty and causes the whole organization to suffer.

But all is not lost. If people are educated about the toll that the lack of open, communication takes on their organization, they can be trained to change their behavior when management provides a safe and trusting environment. And, that’s where strong and committed leadership makes the difference. When executives instill practices that reward honest communication, they empower staff, fuel innovation, enhance teamwork and boost the bottom line.

Immunize Your Organization
There are many systems and tools available today to get the unsaid said. But, be aware: open and honest communication doesn’t come naturally. Putting systems in place isn’t enough. You need to train and teach everyone to use them.

Even when people understand the importance of dealing with issues headon, they can’t do it without developing communication skills that enable them to be firm but fair, clear not cloudy, persuasive yet sympathetic. This doesn’t just happen. People need to be trained and taught how to generate consensus and bring resolution to difficult matters. Most problems start small and can be nipped in the bud when managers know how to use, promote and reward honest, consistent communication and feedback.

Notice vs. Imagine
Here’s a helpful strategy. Teach employees to distinguish the facts of a situation (what’s “Noticed”) from opinions, assumptions and quick conclusions (what’s “Imagined”). When this happens, they’ll share critical information, assess situations accurately and resolve troublesome issues before they mushroom. These outcomes will enhance performance, teamwork, productivity and, most of all, the bottom line.

Remember the “Assumption Presumption” problem? Do people in your organization imagine they know what their customers want without investigating their real wants and needs? This was happening with one of our Fortune 500 clients that was losing business, but didn’t know why.

After some digging, we found Notice vs. Imagine and the unsaid were causing the problems, and we initiated communication strategies and training that ultimately won back a huge contract, increasing the company’s profitability. This led other business areas to adopt these strategies: one became the highest revenue generating business unit in the organization and another achieved the highest engagement score in the company.

How about the “Erosion Glitch” problem? Have you ever seen a project go awry because goals were based on assumptions and interpretations rather than facts and data points (Notice)? Too often, people make erroneous and costly decisions because they believe their opinions to be truth or facts (Imagine).

The situation can also be exacerbated when members of a project team have different agenda, backgrounds and goals. Consider the experience of one of my clients. Personality conflicts were wreaking havoc and the situation appeared near futile until we put “Notice vs. Imagine” to work, giving everyone a common language and platform for resolving issues that had seemed impossible to handle. Their new way of looking at things brought clarity to the forefront and a dramatically higher level of team spirit, productivity, customer service and revenue surfaced.

Now, suppose someone in your company knows about a small, but difficult problem. He can discuss the problem with colleagues or let it fester. With appropriate training, however, he’ll recognize the need to speak up, use his new skills to present the issue effectively and gain resolution – all to the benefit of your organization.

Influence With or Without Authority
Another strategy is to empower employees to use honesty to influence situations, either directly or indirectly, regardless of their position in the company. Why? Because opportunities arise daily and everyone can contribute to the health and prosperity of your organization, especially in a fast-paced environment where opportunities are fleeting unless someone seizes them.

Remember the “Flickering Light Bulb” when employees present half-baked ideas, get frustrated when they aren’t acted on, and when customers leave because innovative or fresh ideas aren’t put forward? This is a perfect example of lack of “Influence With or Without Authority.” Look at research and you’ll find the # 1 motivator for generating new ideas in the workplace is to show they’ll be used. And so, when employees are given skills to articulate and sell their concepts, and see their ideas put into action, they’ll be more forthcoming with new and creative strategies that will better serve clients and the company’s market competitiveness.

Road to Recovery
With your new prescription for open, honest communication in hand, your next step as a leader is to adopt appropriate strategies and promote the value of honesty to employees at all levels via consistent messaging and reinforcement. When everyone embraces the concept and gets the unsaid said, a new vitality will surface and spark creativity, collaboration, greater efficiencies and growth.

Consider this from a client: “At the time, I was the executive officer of an organization … and morale was abysmally low. The workforce was fraught with ambiguity and distrust. We embarked on an organization-wide effort … and implemented Steven’s tools for honest and effective communication. The dramatic, near immediate, positive results were evident in the surge in … customer satisfaction and workforce performance.”

For open, honest communication to take hold, managers must also leave the confines of their offices and seek opinions and feedback from all departments and staff of all ranks. One never knows what you can learn from the receptionist or young star on the way up. You might also uncover a conflict that can be rectified before it explodes.

In tough times especially, executives need to practice full disclosure and transparency or there will be a considerable cost. This happened at one company when management wasn’t forthcoming about looming layoffs for fear of losing employees. True to form, when they finally made the announcement, valuable staff who had lost faith in the company left because trust in the leadership was broken.

While there will always be challenges to your organization’s immune systems, such as economic slowdowns, competition and external factors beyond your control, you must stay focused, resist the temptation to react negatively, and instead, reward honest, open feedback. With steady and consistent adherence to open, honest communication, your business can stay healthy and on the right path to achieving its financial and organizational goals, suppressing the pitfalls of these 11 costly hidden problems.

Copyright 2010. For permission to reproduce this article in any format, or for more information about the Steven Gaffney Company, please call 703-241-7796 or email info@stevengaffney.com.

How a Simple Shift in Understanding Can Improve Decision-Making and Positively Affect the Bottom Line

If only I had known. It’s a terrible thought most of us have had at one point—usually when we have discovered a big problem that started out small. The good news is most problems really do start out small. The better news is that a simple shift in understanding will empower you and those in your organization to improve communication and mend these small, lurking problems before they disrupt your business. That shift in understanding can ultimately net great bottom-line results.

I was on my way to a speaking engagement recently and carried on the usual brief introductory conversation with the person seated next to me on the plane. Since I had an extra copy of my book Just Be Honest (which includes how to handle “If only I had known” situations), I gave it to him before taking a nap. When I awoke, he told me he wished he had read the book sooner as he was preparing to announce some major layoffs at his company. When I asked how this related to my book, he explained how they had just lost a major re-compete with a long-standing client to a competitor. The competitor’s proposal had what the client really wanted, while his company had what they thought the long-time client was looking for, based on their prior working relationship. The result? A lost contract, lost jobs, and a major loss in revenue.

This story illustrates a powerful truth we can harness to positively impact our personal and professional lives. Consider for a moment how often people operate and make decisions as if their opinions are facts. The trouble is, according to our research based on more than 15 years of conducting seminars, we can often be between 50 and 80 percent wrong on a daily basis. That may be hard to believe, but the mind tends to remember the times we are correct and forget the times we are not. That means we may be wrong more often than we are right.

Think about it. Have you seen missed opportunities because someone believes they know what their customer wants, rather than finding out what the customer actually wants? Or have you ever seen project execution go awry because goals were based on assumptions rather than facts and data points?

This is a simple problem to understand, but not so simple to fix—and it’s easy to blame other people as well. For example, do you think of yourself as open-minded? How about those around you? Here is a test to gauge your open-mindedness: How long can you listen to a talk show host who represents views with which you disagree before you change the station? Or when was the last time you had a discussion with someone with whom you disagreed and came away from the conversation converted to their viewpoint? Being open-minded is much more challenging than we often like to admit.

A key strategy in solving this problem is to understand the difference between what can be “noticed” (the facts of a situation) and what we “imagine” (our opinions, thoughts, evaluations, conclusions). This may sound simple—and it is—but think how often people operate and make decisions as if their opinions are fact, or as if what they “imagine” is correct instead of discovering the truth. Once we develop a conclusion we start to look for evidence to support it, and will often overlook facts inconsistent with our opinions and conclusions in the process. The misdiagnosis becomes even more exacerbated when the people with whom we interact have different agendas, goals, needs, and backgrounds.

When we fully understand the breadth and scope of the distinction between Notice and Imagine it can produce major breakthroughs, especially in conjunction with research showing we are often wrong in what we imagine.

Check out the logic. When we understand we may be wrong, we ask more questions. The more we ask questions, the more likely we are to find out the real underlying facts. The more facts we find out, the better the quality of our decisions; the better the quality of our decisions, the better the quality of our business and even our personal lives. The man I met on the plane highlights this point. He read about this concept of Notice vs. Imagine in my book and immediately recognized what had happened with his former client. As he went on to tell me, if he had known about this he would have been able to save jobs and revenue—and avoid a lot of stress, too.

Notice vs. Imagine gives us an excellent reason to check in with others and ask questions. It reminds us to go and ask for feedback and information rather than passively waiting for others to provide it.

I heard from a manager at a large corporation who had been told to fire an employee who was performing poorly. He decided to ask the person what was going on. It turned out this person’s son had just undergone open-heart surgery. The employee had never said anything to his boss because he preferred not to discuss his personal life. Clearly, the facts surrounding this employee’s situation did not resemble what the boss had imagined. It is critical to remember that even though employees may not ask for help, you can always talk to them.

This concept has important implications for our personal lives and can be easily applied there as well. The following story is from one of my seminar participants:

“A while back, my husband and I ordered pizza. After 45 minutes we called to find out when we could expect delivery. We called again after an hour and finally after an hour and fifteen minutes, we called and cancelled our order. As we were walking out the door to go grab a bite, our pizza delivery lady showed up with our pizza. My husband and I told her that we had cancelled our order and now no longer wanted the pizza. She apologized for being late and told us we could have the pizza for free. We told her, ‘No, thanks. We decided to go out to eat.’

Vicky gave us an immeasurable gift…she gave us an unforgettable life lesson.”

It is easy to make assumptions and draw faulty conclusions based on a lack of information. Maybe someone who is not returning our calls is not trying to be disrespectful; maybe they just didn’t receive the messages because they were out of town and did not change their voice mail accordingly. Maybe they did receive our messages but are embarrassed to call and let us know they are behind schedule. Or maybe they did not do what they said they would do, and by not calling they are avoiding the anticipated conflict.

Maybe when someone snaps at us, it has nothing to do with us. Maybe instead they are having some personal problems at home (e.g. an elderly parent who is sick or a child who is not doing well in school). Maybe they are under stress or feeling extreme pressure over work issues. As a result they may take it out on us, but it really has nothing to do with us.

I am not making a judgment about the behavior being right or wrong; I am simply saying things are not always as they appear. Understanding the difference between noticing and imagining enables us to be open-minded and get the information we need.
Just imagine a workplace and home life where everyone understands they might be wrong—or is at least in need of more information. If that were the case, people would be more likely to check in before making decisions or drawing conclusions. In the absence of being certain they knew everything, people would be more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt. The outcome would be more open lines of communication, reduced defensiveness, more appropriate expectations, greater collaboration and teamwork, improved sales, and better-executed programs—all of which would make organizations more efficient and more profitable, and all of which I have consistently seen when organizations embrace and execute this understanding.

One way to make an immediate impact is to pass this article along to important people in your life. Talk about it and discuss what you and others can do. If you need help, call me.

Steven Gaffney is a leading expert on honest, interpersonal communication, influence and leadership, and is one of the recognized authorities on the subject of honesty. He is the author of two ground-breaking books, Just Be Honest: Authentic Communication Strategies that Get Results and Last a Lifetime and Honest Works! Real-World Solutions to Common Problems at Work and Home. He is also the co-author of the book Honesty Sells: How to Make More Money and Increase Business Profits.

This article is the property of the Steven Gaffney Company. Please e-mail info@stevengaffney.com or call 703-241-7796 for permission to reprint this article in any format. Copyright 2011, www.stevengaffney.com.

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